"What He ordains for us each moment is what is most holy, best, and most divine for us." Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Monday, June 24, 2013

Unwanted Guest

It's not the first time an unwanted guest has found its way into my house.  But that doesn't mean I'm used to it.  When I sat down to have my quiet time early one morning last week, I heard it.  At first I thought it was just the way I was moving the paper next to me on the couch.  But upon sitting still ... I heard it again.  I opened my devotional book and turned to the prescribed passage in my "Spiritual Formation" Bible to begin my "sacred space," and ... that sound.  I stood to see if I could pinpoint where the noise was coming from and follow it.  But each time I moved, there was nothing but quiet.  So I sat to begin my reading once more.  There it was again.  It sounded ... crackly.  Like paper.  And as hard as I tried, I could not concentrate for knowing that something was lurking about me.  Something I could not see.  But only hear.  What was it?  A lizard?  A gargantuan cockroach?  Or heaven forbid, a snake?

I tried to set my thoughts on the Scripture passage.  I tried reading the devotional.  I tried praying.  But constantly, my mind was going to whatever "it" was every time "it" moved.  It was consuming my every thought.  And, quite frankly, instilling a little bit of fear.  You know, the kind when something brushes up against your leg in the ocean.

This was ridiculous, and I finally could take it no more.  I got down on my hands and knees, put the side of my face to the floor and looked under the armoire, the large wardrobe converted to computer "desk".  Sure enough, several pieces of paper had slipped up under it and made a nice carpet for anything that might be treading upon it.  Thus, I assumed, the crackle sound.  I got the broom and pulled out the debris, trashed it and went back to my spot on the couch.  Finally, a little peace.

But you know as well as I do I had only removed the sound and had not touched the source.  It's the old sweeping of the cobwebs without getting rid of the spider routine.  You can destroy that web as many times as you like, but until you do away with the spider, you're just going to have to keep dusting.  So even as I sit here right now, something, (hopefully only a lizard -- whose lifespan is about 3 years), is quite possibly watching me.  So however I do it, whether my husband is around to remove the problem and place it outside or I take the aforementioned broom to escort it to lizard heaven, it's GOT to go.  Or else there's not going to be any real peace around here.  At least not for about 3 years.

Reminds me a little bit of how I often treat the sin in my life: removing the manifestation  but allowing the root to grow.

Maybe it wasn't a wasted quiet time after all.

Just an ordinary moment...

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