"What He ordains for us each moment is what is most holy, best, and most divine for us." Jean-Pierre de Caussade

Sunday, January 1, 2012

A New Year ... A New Journal

When I was young girl, a diary stayed in a drawer by my bed ... with a lock on it.  After all, I had three brothers (plus a mother), so precautions had to be taken.  Of course, nothing REAL personal ever went on to those pages.  At that time, entries dealt more with "what I did today" kind of things.  As I got a little older, they surely contained names of boys.

After I married, my journal keeping unfortunately became more sporadic, but I do have a number of them sitting on the top of a bookshelf in my bedroom.  They no  doubt progressed from daily activities and youthful love in the small diaries to deeper workings of the heart in my spiral journals.  From the more frivolous to the more complicated.  And though the pages of my latest one were not completely filled, I felt it time with a new year setting in to get a new journal as well.

But before I did, I reminisced this morning through the old one. In a way, it's hard letting go. This particular journal has been my companion longer than most.  It contains quotes, poems, prayers.  Dreams, drawings and reflections.  It is laced with pictures of companions and notes from friends.  Joys and sorrows, hopes and fears.  Disappointments and successes, praises and complaints are scribbled in both pen and pencil.  But this morning as I read, I heard a common theme: longing.

"Help me to understand my wounds..." 

"Heal my broken heart."

"Release the child of wonder in me so that I may experience the kingdom of God that is around me."

"Come alive in me, Holy Spirit!"

"O God, give me an insatiable longing for You."

"Create in me NEW."

"Open my mind and heart to the great mystery of Your active presence in my life."

"Hear my tears this morning."

"Forgive me."

"Help me."

And most recently, "O Love, seize me!"

Yes, it's hard letting go, especially when much of it left me so raw.  But I lay it aside and pick up another. 

As with any new journal, I was ever so careful as to what was to go on that first clean slate.  It's as if the initial page charts the course for what follows.  But today, it wasn't difficult.  I knew exactly what I wanted this new season to be about.  I share it with you.

Teach Me to Stop and Listen by Ken Medema

Teach me to stop and listen,
Teach me to center down.
Teach me the use of silence,
Teach me where peace is found.

Teach me to hear Your calling,
Teach me to search Your Word.
Teach me to hear in silence
Things I have never heard.

Teach me to be collected,
Teach me to be in tune,
Teach me to be directed --
Silence will end so soon.

Then when it's time for moving,
Grant it that I may bring,
To every day and moment,
Peace from a silent spring.

And thus the journey begins.

Just an ordinary moment...

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